Jane's Broken Home

So I joined my high school's speech and debate team recently. I decided to compete in the event called oratory. It's where you write your own persuasive essay on any current social issue in the world. I had my first meet like a month ago and I won third place. Cool, right? I thought so too. But anyway, I figured some stuff out when I wrote my own oratory essay and I wanted to share it. : ) So here it is:




I know this woman. She is strong, beautiful, wise and content with her life; everything that I aspire to be. She has a great relationship with her husband and I don’t think I have ever seen her lose her temper outside of reason. For privacy purposes, let’s call her Jane. Anyway, one day Jane allowed me to read her diary from when she was sixteen, not too long ago and just about my age. And it completely AMAZED me what the first page read.

Dear diary,Man… things are so messed up lately; I just don’t know what to do about it any more. My mom ran away, dad refuses to eat, sleep, or do anything except work. He is so stressed out about this divorce. He’s lost and I’m helpless to do anything about it. This all makes my heart hurt so much. I don’t know what to do. What are you supposed to do when your mom hates your dad? How are you supposed to watch people fall apart? Didn’t she know it’s supposed to be until death do you part? Sometimes even longer if you believe in that sort of thing. Wasn’t she supposed to know it was her job to love him no matter what? And what about dad? What a dummy head! You’re not supposed to cheat on your wife you jerk… of course she’s going to be upset when you do that. “Hell hath no fury like a women’s scorn” But it was just one mistake… A major one yes, I’ll admit, but where did you expect him to go when you’re constantly bringing him down? When you’re constantly calling him stupid or a jerk and lots of other names I really shouldn’t repeat. “Treat others as you want to be treated” The golden rule says it all mom. I don’t know if I can go on like this any longer. What should I do?

Sincerely, Jane

What would you do if you were Jane? Or even worse, how many of you are Jane? Well from what I’ve seen, Jane didn’t overcome it in a night. it was a process. A process of heartbreaking acceptance, receiving the waves of feelings, releasing them and moving on to bigger and better things. None of which are always easy to do.
When her parents split up, something inside of Jane shut down. For the longest while, she just kept going like nothing happened. Almost as if she was in “Lala” Land while her world started to change, to fall apart if you will. The hardest thing for a person to do is accept. Jane had to accept that she had problems at home. That there was something that wasn’t right. She had to realize that her families’ troubles were actually troubles.
You see, the funny thing about troubles is that they don’t go away. In fact, they usually just grow into bigger, hairier clumps, like the ones that clog the shower drain. In order to fix a clog you have to accept that it’s there. You have to accept that whatever issue going on in your life is actually an issue.
Once you understand that you have a problem; that like Jane, something in your life is hurting you you’re usually going to end up with a lot of emotions. Sometimes so much emotion that you won’t know what to do with it. SO much emotion, you could cry and yell all at the same time. You feel like hitting someone but being hugged, thinking it might take away that pain and confusion. You want to see everyone then hide away and never see a human being again. You need something to do but don’t want to do anything. Every minute a battle to deal with the emotional baggage you are carrying around. Jane describes internal battles like those throughout her parents’ divorce in her diary. From whether to put up her hair or not; to deciding if she wanted to keep on living that day.
Jane had every right to feel those things. It’s only human to have emotion. No one can blame a kid for struggling with a divorce. About 10% of the U.S. is divorced each year, so there are kids who deal with this all the time. It does happen. But it is possible to overcome the heartbreak without breaking your future. Jane had to deal with her feelings the right way.
Obviously it wasn’t okay for her to commit suicide, just like it is not okay to murder someone when you are angry with them. You have to deal with your pain, with your fears, but you cannot let the waves of emotion crush you. The way to survive waves is not to fight them, but to go with the flow and wait for the waves to wash you to shore.
Ben Franklin said “While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.” That is exactly what we need to do. Finding ways to cope is the key to having power in your life. When you are in a position like Jane was, sometimes it feels like there is no hope. As if your life is going to suck forever.
However, if you just immerse yourself in things that make you happy, that make you forget why you are angry, then you have this ability to control your feelings. Once you have that control, you start to figure out why you feel that way and how to get rid of it. When it comes to this concept, I love to turn back to one of Jane’s entries:

Dear Diary,
Mom, you hurt me when you left. I felt like you abandoned me. That because you didn’t seem to love me enough to stay that no one else could love me. But I figured out that isn’t true. That you are the one who lost out, because I am beautiful and strong and capable of being on my own; I finally understand that just because you chose to make a stupid mistake doesn’t mean that I have to follow in your footsteps. But that I also have no control over your actions and I have the choice to make better decisions than you did. I don’t have to fail just because you did. And dad I know you made mistakes, but you helped me learn that just because someone makes a mistake, that doesn’t make them a bad person. That people change. That people can progress, they can improve. You taught me that in order to get past a problem, you don’t involve yourself in revenge. You involve yourself in forgiveness. That grudges do nothing but eat your from the inside out.I love you both, but that doesn't mean I have to love your choices. In fact, I have the right to hate some of your decisions. But what good would that do me? The best thing I can think of is to forgive you, Mom and Dad, because anything less would just continue to hurt me instead of help.I understand that the most important thing for me to do is to get through this and then make myself better because of it. It is most important for me to learn from this, not make a waste of my life because of this.
Sincerely,Jane

Jane figured it out. The best thing to do when something or someone hurts you is to let it go. But what do you do after that? Where do you go with your new found freedom?
The best option is to move on, find new things to do; new goals to fulfill. DO not hold a grudge, whatever you do. Get great things to fill you time with. Go to college, join a sports team; anything that could lead you to the path in life that will make you the happiest. Most importantly, move on to goals that will break the cycle. Do things better this time, do not make your kids go through the same things you did. If it was divorce that broke your family, be careful and patient with your relationships. If abuse tore apart your home, make sure you're never the abuser. If you get angry, just walk away.
Thomas Paine said, "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace." Give your posterity peace; you have the choice to rise above your circumstances. Learn from your parents' mistakes. "The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have." These words from Ring Lardner are so important to understand. We, the youth, are the future of the world and nothing should hold us back from making it a better place.
There you have it. How to overcome your trials in a nut-shell. Just like Jane you have to take control. Accept your troubles, get through the waves, let go, and never look back. It may take days, months, or years, but any one girl, boy, woman, or man can overcome the pains of a broken home and improve their life.




There it is. Any comments or thoughts?

Love

This summer I went on a trip with my church. I belong to THe CHurch of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and my faith usually tends to have some sort of activity for the youth every summer in each congregation.
This year my local church leaders decided to give out a call to the youth to attend on the trip we reffered to as the "pioneer trek". It was where we would dress like pioneers and walk so many miles for three days on a trail that the actual pioneers of my faith walked as we started to populate the Salt Lake Valley which they reffered to as Zion. The coolest thing about the trip is that I have ancestors that were a part of the actual journey that thousands of people honor every summer. He was my great great great grandfather, His name being Jesse Soar Taylor. He traveled from England to America with his mother and brother. His brother died from the exposure they endured on their thousand mile journey across the soon to become United States. I'm still researching their lives.

Anyway, back to my point. I had the oppurtunity to experience a fraction of the hardships they went through this summer when I went on the trek with my church. I never could have imagined how much change and perspective could have come from it. FOr me personally the biggest lesson was of love. ANd the major influence it has on everything extrodinary and truely important that has ever been accomplished.

For instance, the LDS pioneers crossed a forever-long trail because they loved GOd and the prophet enough to do what they asked. And also because they loved their families so much that they risked (and some even gave up) their lives just so they could recieve heavenly ordinances in the temple. Just so they could be together forever.

THat made me think really hard about what my priorities were. About what I would do for love. And how just because you love someone doesn't always mean that you can save them. THough no matter if you save them or not, all that counts is that you always love them and how you have to let that love motivate you to do good things in the world. Jesus Christ gave his life for us because he loved us. It wasn't because he had to, it was because he wanted to. He wanted us to be with him and our Heavenly Father so he sacraficed everything for us. And even though there are so many people who will not accept the atonement, there are still those people who do. And every one of them is so astronomically important and loved that we can't even imagine.

I am so thankful for the presence of love on earth. Even with all of the hate and violence and awful things on this planet, love is still and always will be the strongest and most imposing force on the planet. Or even in the universe.

If there is one thing that you need to learn, it's that love is the reason we all exist. It's the reason for being.

I have a testimony that my savior, Jesus Christ and his (and my) father in heaven both love me and are aware of me. And i know that they are aware of every other person on this planet and that they know each person specifically and personally and they love us all. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Dreams***

Dreams can be so blissfully annoying. Doesn't it just blow your mind how you can have an amazing dream and then wish you hadn't ever dreamt it after you wake up? I have had so many of those that I can't even count. In the past and present.
The worst is when my mind creates it's own little worlds where I can openly show my affetion without any negative consquences. Or where i enact buried emotions towards people who are long gone out of my life but still are consequential to my emotional well-being.

I have to say the weirdest dreams I've ever had of those sorts are the ones I had last school year with These boys that i had just met that school year in them. Nothing gross or "uncensored" ever happens in them, but there's this overwhelming feeling of love and compassion. I remember this dream where all that happened in my dream was the guy hugged me. He just stood there and held me and hugged me until I felt better.It was so great. And now in real life I've always loved his hugs after that.

I think I loved that dream so much because I don't have anyone I can do that with. No one who will just hold me when things go to crap. THe last time someone held me longer than five seconds was on my birthday. Before that I don't even really know when I had even a thirty-second hug. Hugs are just the best thing in the world. : ) ANd I give plenty of nice hugs, you know, the wrap my arms around you and make you feel safe kind to everyone else. I however hardly ever recieve those types of hugs. Hugs, holding hands, getting a back rub, I'm all for the physical displays of affection. : )

ANd after I had that dream I really wished I hadn't because I never looked at the guy the same. :/ I always loved him more than I should. : P It's still like that. But now I don't mind so much because now I have good reason. : ) Well sort of.


I have so many others. Dreams where the things that refuse to be in my reality go on in my subconscious. What an imagination right? Heh..

Goals

YOu know, excercise is a great idea! It keeps your body strong and healthy, and you feel amazing afterward. I had an epiphany yesterday that if i ever want to teach my children to take care of their bodies that I need to do the same for myself. So I just recently started a very simple routine. : ) We'll see how it goes. I love the attitude of summer. It makes you feel like you can accomplish almost anything in the world. : ) In the summer season you just know you're goning to make it places.

I'm going on my big trip tomorrow. I'm so very excited to see my friends. I got a laptop for my birthday and Thomas came over to visit. : ) It has been a very good day. I'm Loving life. THere are plenty of reasons to.

Love,
Lexci <3

Sweet SIxteen!!!

TOday IS my Sixteenth Birthday : D I'm so Excited. I don't get to drive quite yet, but hey, I can wait dude. : ) I'm SO Flippin excited! ON saturday I get to go to Idaho Falls. ANd now I'm "allowed" to date. SO we'll see how that goes. : ) hehe
Life is good. I'm so thankful for all the things i have. My family, my house, my job, my friends. : ) THere is a lot to be happy about. : )

Love,
Lexci

The Living Christ Value Project Accomplished. Yay!

I'm so very happy. : ) My testimony has been strengthened so much by the Young Women's Personal Progress Program that belongs to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I just finished my faith value project the other day. : ) What I did for my project was memorize the testimony of the Apotles of the church about Jesus Christ and how he's the Savior of the world and the Living Christ. : ) I'm very thankful that I have those words in my head now. It definately helped me learn more about Jesus's life and what he did and what his life means to the world. How important he is to me personally and to all the people around me. And it makes me so happy to know that because of this document my faith and belief not only in Christ but in his church has grown so much. I really do love Jesus Christ. ANd my Heavenly Father too. I'm thankful that the Holy is able to preside in me if I keep the covenant I made with God during baptism. : ) I love my church, myself, and the people around me more fully because my faith has grown through the things I've done with my personal progress. : ) Life is good.
The document I was reffering to that I had to memorize is the one below. Read it. : ) It will give you an internal peace and fuzzy feeling when you read it. :D


"The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles, (2000)

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As we commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ two millennia ago, we offer our testimony of the reality of His matchless life and the infinite virtue of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth.

He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. Under the direction of His Father, He was the creator of the earth. “All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made” (John 1:3). Though sinless, He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. He “went about doing good” (Acts 10:38), yet was despised for it. His gospel was a message of peace and goodwill. He entreated all to follow His example. He walked the roads of Palestine, healing the sick, causing the blind to see, and raising the dead. He taught the truths of eternity, the reality of our premortal existence, the purpose of our life on earth, and the potential for the sons and daughters of God in the life to come.

He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on Calvary’s cross. He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth.

We solemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neither began in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary. He was the Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten Son in the flesh, the Redeemer of the world.

He rose from the grave to “become the firstfruits of them that slept” (1 Corinthians 15:20). As Risen Lord, He visited among those He had loved in life. He also ministered among His “other sheep” (John 10:16) in ancient America. In the modern world, He and His Father appeared to the boy Joseph Smith, ushering in the long-promised “dispensation of the fulness of times” (Ephesians 1:10).

Of the Living Christ, the Prophet Joseph wrote: “His eyes were as a flame of fire; the hair of his head was white like the pure snow; his countenance shone above the brightness of the sun; and his voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters, even the voice of Jehovah, saying:

“I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father” (D&C 110:3–4).

Of Him the Prophet also declared: “And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!

“For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—

“That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God” (D&C 76:22–24).

We declare in words of solemnity that His priesthood and His Church have been restored upon the earth—“built upon the foundation of … apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone” (Ephesians 2:20).

We testify that He will someday return to earth. “And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together” (Isaiah 40:5). He will rule as King of Kings and reign as Lord of Lords, and every knee shall bend and every tongue shall speak in worship before Him. Each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires of our hearts.

We bear testimony, as His duly ordained Apostles—that Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal Son of God. He is the great King Immanuel, who stands today on the right hand of His Father. He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world. His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.

FairyTales

Lately I've been having trouble with fairytales. What makes a classic fairytale? Well according to a creative writing teacher deep in the midst of the tetons it's this: 1) Protaganist/Antaganist 2)All Love= True Love 3) Reoccuring Numbers (mostly 3 and 7 XD) 4)Once Upon A Time/ Happily Ever After 5)Talking objects/animals/plants 6) Enchantments or Magic 7) Femanist Views(damsels in distress type thing).
And I have to say, making up a fairytale that is completely origianal with that outline is the most challenging thing I've ever encountered. And I only have about 5 days left to do it.
That sounds like a lot, but I'm a terrible procrastinator. And not to mention I have to babysit 3 kids under the age of ten for the next three days. I really shouldn't complain, but I've just been left thinking lately.
What's the point of fairytales? Why are we told them as children only to find out life isn't like that at all? We find out that there's no Prince Charming, Fairy Godmother, or "Happily Ever After"'s in life at all. Instead it's just a whole bunch of rubish and baulder-dash. We find out the hard way that no one really thinks magic exists. That things never end smoothly or so abruptly as a "Happily Ever After". There's always more to the tale. Something always comes next.
I just wonder why the world is like that? Why are we so shelter in the start of life? Maybe to ease the burden of reality, to keep the generations living.
Or maybe is it because Fairytales do exist? Maybe in some hidden part of the world, there are girls with their very own valient knight in shining armor. I wonder if it's possible to have some wonderful "guardian angel" as you might say watching over you and helping you out unknowingly. And possibly, just maybe, people really can obtain a "Happily Ever After". : )

I think That's what I choose to Believe. That somewhere out there, life really is good. And that things can work out as if by magic. : )

<3/ MiZz Bubbleh Rainbow

St.Patrick's Day

You know, St. Patrick's day was just a couple days ago. : ) I love that holiday. It's pretty fun seeing all that green. It reminds me of spring. Which still hasn't come yet. : P I'm waiting for all the snow to disappear still. But There's dirt in my drive way. : ) So I can actually see some of the ground and that makes me happy. : ) But yeah. : ) Life is great.
Today I think I'm just going to post some awesome pictues and a picture of me. : ) hehe Because I don't think I've ever done that on here. : ) So here It goes:




This is me : P









This is a pic I took last fall. : ) I thought it was pretty.











This pic was taken on Feb 13, 2011. : P All that snow is still here. : /

March Madness!

It's now march! The seminary class that I attend at my high school has declared a competition this month against some othere seminary institutions in my area that challenged us. The challenge is to read the whole Book Of Mormon in the month of March. I think it's one of the coolest competition I've ever agreed to take part in. You see, even though I've been a memeber of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints my whole life, I have never read the whole book before. And I think this will be a wonderful oppurtunity for me.
Not to mention it will help me spiritually prepare for this trek I'm going on this summer in memory of the LDS pioneers who crossed the counrty because of persecution. I think It's great and I challenge anyone reading this, even If you aren't a member of THe Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saitnts (also known as Mormons), to read the Book of Mormon one day. Or today. : ) Any time would be fantastic!!

<3/ Lexci

Happy New YEar!!!

I know it's sorta late for this. But hey, a girl can get busy. : P But yeah. Life is great. : ) I just can't wait to laugh in peoples faces when we're still alive in 2012. I mean, that's a totally ridiculous notion. Really.
But anyway. Life is good. I hope eveyone agrees. All the resolutions in the air. All the ditermination. All that jazz. : ) YEah!
IT'S 2011! That's so crazy man. It's weird to think I was born in the last millenia. ;P
Have a GREAT New YEar!