First Pull up

So yesterday I went to the gym with my husband and we were training for the Spartan Race sometime next year. And with the help of this really cool machine at the gym, I did my first ever pull up. It was really hard! And I had to put it at the easiest setting for me to be able to do it, but by golly I did it. It was really cool. I love my husband. He's the whole reason I even got on the machine. He is the best husband ever. He pushes me to be more than I am. And I love him for it. And he knows just what to do to help me on my way when it's hard. I was upset this morning and he knew just what to do. He called me and listened to me and what I had to say. It made me feel much better! He is my best friend. And the best pep-talk giver I've ever met. I love him very much. Well goes another day of changing myself for the better. Wish me luck!

Monkey Bars

Big news everybody! I crossed a set of monkey bars at the park today! I was with my husband and my youngest son and we were just playing around. The first two times I only got to the fourth bar and couldn't hold on anymore. I let my husband and son play around for awhile and right before we left I decided to try once more. I guess I just remembered how to do the monkey bars and I got myself to the other side of those 7 bars with my own two hands. It felt great. To be honest I had gotten a little discouraged because I had stopped doing exercise for two days. It is true what Darren Hardy says in his Compound Effect book. That when you stop your routine you not only lose the progress of the day, but basically of the whole endeavor. You have to be quick to jump back on the merry go round or it is really hard to get it going again. I feel motivated to keep going. And I want to keep trying hard to do things well. Today also had another triumph. Instead of starting out the day badly with some leftover pizza, I threw it in the garbage and ate a yogurt instead. I know there is this bad feeling associated with throwing out food, but the way I look at it, it was a win. Because I did what I needed to do in order to treat my body well. And to treat my mind well too. Because I was really tempted to eat that pizza because I was upset over somethings this morning. It's never too late to try and be better. You just have to keep up the fight until you're strong enough to win it. And then you still need to keep fighting. It's a never ending battle. But if you give it enough time, you can become the master. That's my plan. To be the master of my body. And not to let my body be the master of me. That's probably a very important goal to have.

Back Again!

It's literally been years since I have posted on this blog. To be honest, I kind of forgot about it's existance. I am starting to rediscover my passion for expressing myself through written word. I am starting to remember the importance of journaling and having some sort of outlet in my life that isn't overeating. Since the last post I made about college a lot of things have happened in my life. I went on a mission for the church I belong to. I went to Mexico for a year and a half. It changed my life in every way. It opened my eyes to things I never imagined I would know. Then I came home. I got married and got divorced six months later. It was a moment of trial and testing for me. I defintely hit some of my lowest points after coming home from my mission and trying to decide what to do with myself. Then after several months of soul searching and trying to find my way. I stumbled upon the most wonderful man I have ever met. I liked him so much I made him my husband. We've been married for two years and we have 3 wonderful step kids (from his first marriage) that live with us full time. They are a blessing and my life's biggest trial all mixed into one bundle. And believe it or not, after being home from my mission for almost 5 years now and being married for over 2. I am still looking for my permanent purpose and fulfillment. I'm starting to understand that pupose comes with seasons. You don't always have the same purpose and it's okay for that purpose to change. Life is change. And that is a wonderful thing. If it wasn't, we wouldn't be able to change for the better and progress. If anything, progression is our greatest purpose. And we are always progressing for either good or for bad. I have been reading a book lately. It's called "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy. He talks about how consistently choosing to be better is the key to success. I think I want to be successful. Although I would say the definition of successful is very individualized. Recently I have decided to start training for a race called the Spartan Race. It's basically a 5K with 20 different obstacles within it. I'm starting out pretty behind on abilities physically speaking. I have lost 40 pounds since last year, but I still can't physically do a pull-up and I am yet to climb and inverted wall or a rope with no assistance. But I want to push my limits and see what I can do If I really try. I know it is just a matter of hard work and time. I'm trying to find balance in my life now. Trying to improve my mind, my spirit and my body. It's slow going, but I think I'm making progress. I struggle a lot, but I'm not giving up. That's the key part to the whole thing. I want to keep a record of my exercising progress, and I figured this blog would be as good a place as any to accomplish that. So here is my record as of now: Today May 10,2021 I accomplished the following feats in my workout: 14 Burpees (Not all at once, but in total) 25 Squats 22 Sit ups 18 Crunches 18 Leg lifts Weight Lifting for my arms I hung from my arms with all my body weight for 10 seconds 3 times. I walked at an incline for 15 minutes on the treadmill. My goal is to increase the amount of burpees I do by one burpee each workout session for the rest of the year. If I can just do one more everyday, then I can do this! That's my opinion anyway. If nothing else, I will be able to do burpees when I go to that race. And even just being able to accomplish that will be amazing for me. But my big hairy audacious goal is to be able to climb a rope. But first I need to be able to do pull ups. And I am working towards that with the dead hangs. And today I got up on a box and lifed myself up kind of as a practice with my feet and arms. I can mentally envision myself crossing the finsih line of the race and them giving me my first medal. It is going to be a glorious day!

College!

Can you believe it?! I made it to college! It is so crazy to think the last time I posted on this blog was two years ago! Holy Cow! But I suppose this is just an update to let whoever looks at my page know how well life is going! These photos are pictures of still lives I have drawn in my basic drawing class this semester. Pretty cool right? I love college so much!

Jane's Broken Home

So I joined my high school's speech and debate team recently. I decided to compete in the event called oratory. It's where you write your own persuasive essay on any current social issue in the world. I had my first meet like a month ago and I won third place. Cool, right? I thought so too. But anyway, I figured some stuff out when I wrote my own oratory essay and I wanted to share it. : ) So here it is:




I know this woman. She is strong, beautiful, wise and content with her life; everything that I aspire to be. She has a great relationship with her husband and I don’t think I have ever seen her lose her temper outside of reason. For privacy purposes, let’s call her Jane. Anyway, one day Jane allowed me to read her diary from when she was sixteen, not too long ago and just about my age. And it completely AMAZED me what the first page read.

Dear diary,Man… things are so messed up lately; I just don’t know what to do about it any more. My mom ran away, dad refuses to eat, sleep, or do anything except work. He is so stressed out about this divorce. He’s lost and I’m helpless to do anything about it. This all makes my heart hurt so much. I don’t know what to do. What are you supposed to do when your mom hates your dad? How are you supposed to watch people fall apart? Didn’t she know it’s supposed to be until death do you part? Sometimes even longer if you believe in that sort of thing. Wasn’t she supposed to know it was her job to love him no matter what? And what about dad? What a dummy head! You’re not supposed to cheat on your wife you jerk… of course she’s going to be upset when you do that. “Hell hath no fury like a women’s scorn” But it was just one mistake… A major one yes, I’ll admit, but where did you expect him to go when you’re constantly bringing him down? When you’re constantly calling him stupid or a jerk and lots of other names I really shouldn’t repeat. “Treat others as you want to be treated” The golden rule says it all mom. I don’t know if I can go on like this any longer. What should I do?

Sincerely, Jane

What would you do if you were Jane? Or even worse, how many of you are Jane? Well from what I’ve seen, Jane didn’t overcome it in a night. it was a process. A process of heartbreaking acceptance, receiving the waves of feelings, releasing them and moving on to bigger and better things. None of which are always easy to do.
When her parents split up, something inside of Jane shut down. For the longest while, she just kept going like nothing happened. Almost as if she was in “Lala” Land while her world started to change, to fall apart if you will. The hardest thing for a person to do is accept. Jane had to accept that she had problems at home. That there was something that wasn’t right. She had to realize that her families’ troubles were actually troubles.
You see, the funny thing about troubles is that they don’t go away. In fact, they usually just grow into bigger, hairier clumps, like the ones that clog the shower drain. In order to fix a clog you have to accept that it’s there. You have to accept that whatever issue going on in your life is actually an issue.
Once you understand that you have a problem; that like Jane, something in your life is hurting you you’re usually going to end up with a lot of emotions. Sometimes so much emotion that you won’t know what to do with it. SO much emotion, you could cry and yell all at the same time. You feel like hitting someone but being hugged, thinking it might take away that pain and confusion. You want to see everyone then hide away and never see a human being again. You need something to do but don’t want to do anything. Every minute a battle to deal with the emotional baggage you are carrying around. Jane describes internal battles like those throughout her parents’ divorce in her diary. From whether to put up her hair or not; to deciding if she wanted to keep on living that day.
Jane had every right to feel those things. It’s only human to have emotion. No one can blame a kid for struggling with a divorce. About 10% of the U.S. is divorced each year, so there are kids who deal with this all the time. It does happen. But it is possible to overcome the heartbreak without breaking your future. Jane had to deal with her feelings the right way.
Obviously it wasn’t okay for her to commit suicide, just like it is not okay to murder someone when you are angry with them. You have to deal with your pain, with your fears, but you cannot let the waves of emotion crush you. The way to survive waves is not to fight them, but to go with the flow and wait for the waves to wash you to shore.
Ben Franklin said “While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.” That is exactly what we need to do. Finding ways to cope is the key to having power in your life. When you are in a position like Jane was, sometimes it feels like there is no hope. As if your life is going to suck forever.
However, if you just immerse yourself in things that make you happy, that make you forget why you are angry, then you have this ability to control your feelings. Once you have that control, you start to figure out why you feel that way and how to get rid of it. When it comes to this concept, I love to turn back to one of Jane’s entries:

Dear Diary,
Mom, you hurt me when you left. I felt like you abandoned me. That because you didn’t seem to love me enough to stay that no one else could love me. But I figured out that isn’t true. That you are the one who lost out, because I am beautiful and strong and capable of being on my own; I finally understand that just because you chose to make a stupid mistake doesn’t mean that I have to follow in your footsteps. But that I also have no control over your actions and I have the choice to make better decisions than you did. I don’t have to fail just because you did. And dad I know you made mistakes, but you helped me learn that just because someone makes a mistake, that doesn’t make them a bad person. That people change. That people can progress, they can improve. You taught me that in order to get past a problem, you don’t involve yourself in revenge. You involve yourself in forgiveness. That grudges do nothing but eat your from the inside out.I love you both, but that doesn't mean I have to love your choices. In fact, I have the right to hate some of your decisions. But what good would that do me? The best thing I can think of is to forgive you, Mom and Dad, because anything less would just continue to hurt me instead of help.I understand that the most important thing for me to do is to get through this and then make myself better because of it. It is most important for me to learn from this, not make a waste of my life because of this.
Sincerely,Jane

Jane figured it out. The best thing to do when something or someone hurts you is to let it go. But what do you do after that? Where do you go with your new found freedom?
The best option is to move on, find new things to do; new goals to fulfill. DO not hold a grudge, whatever you do. Get great things to fill you time with. Go to college, join a sports team; anything that could lead you to the path in life that will make you the happiest. Most importantly, move on to goals that will break the cycle. Do things better this time, do not make your kids go through the same things you did. If it was divorce that broke your family, be careful and patient with your relationships. If abuse tore apart your home, make sure you're never the abuser. If you get angry, just walk away.
Thomas Paine said, "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace." Give your posterity peace; you have the choice to rise above your circumstances. Learn from your parents' mistakes. "The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have." These words from Ring Lardner are so important to understand. We, the youth, are the future of the world and nothing should hold us back from making it a better place.
There you have it. How to overcome your trials in a nut-shell. Just like Jane you have to take control. Accept your troubles, get through the waves, let go, and never look back. It may take days, months, or years, but any one girl, boy, woman, or man can overcome the pains of a broken home and improve their life.




There it is. Any comments or thoughts?

Love

This summer I went on a trip with my church. I belong to THe CHurch of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and my faith usually tends to have some sort of activity for the youth every summer in each congregation.
This year my local church leaders decided to give out a call to the youth to attend on the trip we reffered to as the "pioneer trek". It was where we would dress like pioneers and walk so many miles for three days on a trail that the actual pioneers of my faith walked as we started to populate the Salt Lake Valley which they reffered to as Zion. The coolest thing about the trip is that I have ancestors that were a part of the actual journey that thousands of people honor every summer. He was my great great great grandfather, His name being Jesse Soar Taylor. He traveled from England to America with his mother and brother. His brother died from the exposure they endured on their thousand mile journey across the soon to become United States. I'm still researching their lives.

Anyway, back to my point. I had the oppurtunity to experience a fraction of the hardships they went through this summer when I went on the trek with my church. I never could have imagined how much change and perspective could have come from it. FOr me personally the biggest lesson was of love. ANd the major influence it has on everything extrodinary and truely important that has ever been accomplished.

For instance, the LDS pioneers crossed a forever-long trail because they loved GOd and the prophet enough to do what they asked. And also because they loved their families so much that they risked (and some even gave up) their lives just so they could recieve heavenly ordinances in the temple. Just so they could be together forever.

THat made me think really hard about what my priorities were. About what I would do for love. And how just because you love someone doesn't always mean that you can save them. THough no matter if you save them or not, all that counts is that you always love them and how you have to let that love motivate you to do good things in the world. Jesus Christ gave his life for us because he loved us. It wasn't because he had to, it was because he wanted to. He wanted us to be with him and our Heavenly Father so he sacraficed everything for us. And even though there are so many people who will not accept the atonement, there are still those people who do. And every one of them is so astronomically important and loved that we can't even imagine.

I am so thankful for the presence of love on earth. Even with all of the hate and violence and awful things on this planet, love is still and always will be the strongest and most imposing force on the planet. Or even in the universe.

If there is one thing that you need to learn, it's that love is the reason we all exist. It's the reason for being.

I have a testimony that my savior, Jesus Christ and his (and my) father in heaven both love me and are aware of me. And i know that they are aware of every other person on this planet and that they know each person specifically and personally and they love us all. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Dreams***

Dreams can be so blissfully annoying. Doesn't it just blow your mind how you can have an amazing dream and then wish you hadn't ever dreamt it after you wake up? I have had so many of those that I can't even count. In the past and present.
The worst is when my mind creates it's own little worlds where I can openly show my affetion without any negative consquences. Or where i enact buried emotions towards people who are long gone out of my life but still are consequential to my emotional well-being.

I have to say the weirdest dreams I've ever had of those sorts are the ones I had last school year with These boys that i had just met that school year in them. Nothing gross or "uncensored" ever happens in them, but there's this overwhelming feeling of love and compassion. I remember this dream where all that happened in my dream was the guy hugged me. He just stood there and held me and hugged me until I felt better.It was so great. And now in real life I've always loved his hugs after that.

I think I loved that dream so much because I don't have anyone I can do that with. No one who will just hold me when things go to crap. THe last time someone held me longer than five seconds was on my birthday. Before that I don't even really know when I had even a thirty-second hug. Hugs are just the best thing in the world. : ) ANd I give plenty of nice hugs, you know, the wrap my arms around you and make you feel safe kind to everyone else. I however hardly ever recieve those types of hugs. Hugs, holding hands, getting a back rub, I'm all for the physical displays of affection. : )

ANd after I had that dream I really wished I hadn't because I never looked at the guy the same. :/ I always loved him more than I should. : P It's still like that. But now I don't mind so much because now I have good reason. : ) Well sort of.


I have so many others. Dreams where the things that refuse to be in my reality go on in my subconscious. What an imagination right? Heh..