Friday, December 2, 2011

Jane's Broken Home

So I joined my high school's speech and debate team recently. I decided to compete in the event called oratory. It's where you write your own persuasive essay on any current social issue in the world. I had my first meet like a month ago and I won third place. Cool, right? I thought so too. But anyway, I figured some stuff out when I wrote my own oratory essay and I wanted to share it. : ) So here it is:




I know this woman. She is strong, beautiful, wise and content with her life; everything that I aspire to be. She has a great relationship with her husband and I don’t think I have ever seen her lose her temper outside of reason. For privacy purposes, let’s call her Jane. Anyway, one day Jane allowed me to read her diary from when she was sixteen, not too long ago and just about my age. And it completely AMAZED me what the first page read.

Dear diary,Man… things are so messed up lately; I just don’t know what to do about it any more. My mom ran away, dad refuses to eat, sleep, or do anything except work. He is so stressed out about this divorce. He’s lost and I’m helpless to do anything about it. This all makes my heart hurt so much. I don’t know what to do. What are you supposed to do when your mom hates your dad? How are you supposed to watch people fall apart? Didn’t she know it’s supposed to be until death do you part? Sometimes even longer if you believe in that sort of thing. Wasn’t she supposed to know it was her job to love him no matter what? And what about dad? What a dummy head! You’re not supposed to cheat on your wife you jerk… of course she’s going to be upset when you do that. “Hell hath no fury like a women’s scorn” But it was just one mistake… A major one yes, I’ll admit, but where did you expect him to go when you’re constantly bringing him down? When you’re constantly calling him stupid or a jerk and lots of other names I really shouldn’t repeat. “Treat others as you want to be treated” The golden rule says it all mom. I don’t know if I can go on like this any longer. What should I do?

Sincerely, Jane

What would you do if you were Jane? Or even worse, how many of you are Jane? Well from what I’ve seen, Jane didn’t overcome it in a night. it was a process. A process of heartbreaking acceptance, receiving the waves of feelings, releasing them and moving on to bigger and better things. None of which are always easy to do.
When her parents split up, something inside of Jane shut down. For the longest while, she just kept going like nothing happened. Almost as if she was in “Lala” Land while her world started to change, to fall apart if you will. The hardest thing for a person to do is accept. Jane had to accept that she had problems at home. That there was something that wasn’t right. She had to realize that her families’ troubles were actually troubles.
You see, the funny thing about troubles is that they don’t go away. In fact, they usually just grow into bigger, hairier clumps, like the ones that clog the shower drain. In order to fix a clog you have to accept that it’s there. You have to accept that whatever issue going on in your life is actually an issue.
Once you understand that you have a problem; that like Jane, something in your life is hurting you you’re usually going to end up with a lot of emotions. Sometimes so much emotion that you won’t know what to do with it. SO much emotion, you could cry and yell all at the same time. You feel like hitting someone but being hugged, thinking it might take away that pain and confusion. You want to see everyone then hide away and never see a human being again. You need something to do but don’t want to do anything. Every minute a battle to deal with the emotional baggage you are carrying around. Jane describes internal battles like those throughout her parents’ divorce in her diary. From whether to put up her hair or not; to deciding if she wanted to keep on living that day.
Jane had every right to feel those things. It’s only human to have emotion. No one can blame a kid for struggling with a divorce. About 10% of the U.S. is divorced each year, so there are kids who deal with this all the time. It does happen. But it is possible to overcome the heartbreak without breaking your future. Jane had to deal with her feelings the right way.
Obviously it wasn’t okay for her to commit suicide, just like it is not okay to murder someone when you are angry with them. You have to deal with your pain, with your fears, but you cannot let the waves of emotion crush you. The way to survive waves is not to fight them, but to go with the flow and wait for the waves to wash you to shore.
Ben Franklin said “While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.” That is exactly what we need to do. Finding ways to cope is the key to having power in your life. When you are in a position like Jane was, sometimes it feels like there is no hope. As if your life is going to suck forever.
However, if you just immerse yourself in things that make you happy, that make you forget why you are angry, then you have this ability to control your feelings. Once you have that control, you start to figure out why you feel that way and how to get rid of it. When it comes to this concept, I love to turn back to one of Jane’s entries:

Dear Diary,
Mom, you hurt me when you left. I felt like you abandoned me. That because you didn’t seem to love me enough to stay that no one else could love me. But I figured out that isn’t true. That you are the one who lost out, because I am beautiful and strong and capable of being on my own; I finally understand that just because you chose to make a stupid mistake doesn’t mean that I have to follow in your footsteps. But that I also have no control over your actions and I have the choice to make better decisions than you did. I don’t have to fail just because you did. And dad I know you made mistakes, but you helped me learn that just because someone makes a mistake, that doesn’t make them a bad person. That people change. That people can progress, they can improve. You taught me that in order to get past a problem, you don’t involve yourself in revenge. You involve yourself in forgiveness. That grudges do nothing but eat your from the inside out.I love you both, but that doesn't mean I have to love your choices. In fact, I have the right to hate some of your decisions. But what good would that do me? The best thing I can think of is to forgive you, Mom and Dad, because anything less would just continue to hurt me instead of help.I understand that the most important thing for me to do is to get through this and then make myself better because of it. It is most important for me to learn from this, not make a waste of my life because of this.
Sincerely,Jane

Jane figured it out. The best thing to do when something or someone hurts you is to let it go. But what do you do after that? Where do you go with your new found freedom?
The best option is to move on, find new things to do; new goals to fulfill. DO not hold a grudge, whatever you do. Get great things to fill you time with. Go to college, join a sports team; anything that could lead you to the path in life that will make you the happiest. Most importantly, move on to goals that will break the cycle. Do things better this time, do not make your kids go through the same things you did. If it was divorce that broke your family, be careful and patient with your relationships. If abuse tore apart your home, make sure you're never the abuser. If you get angry, just walk away.
Thomas Paine said, "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace." Give your posterity peace; you have the choice to rise above your circumstances. Learn from your parents' mistakes. "The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have." These words from Ring Lardner are so important to understand. We, the youth, are the future of the world and nothing should hold us back from making it a better place.
There you have it. How to overcome your trials in a nut-shell. Just like Jane you have to take control. Accept your troubles, get through the waves, let go, and never look back. It may take days, months, or years, but any one girl, boy, woman, or man can overcome the pains of a broken home and improve their life.




There it is. Any comments or thoughts?